Gossip at the Vending Machine
by surena-13
Summary: Andy/Brenda "bonding" over their shared hate!sex fantasies about Sharon. Prompt by margotgrissom


Andy shook his head when he heard the frustrated groans and then something that sounded very much like a kick to an already abused vending machine. Risking his own life he rounded the corner and came face to face with a very agitated Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson who looked just about ready to pull her firearm out of her oversized black monstrosity of a purse to shoot the offending piece of technology that had failed to give the blonde her much needed chocolate.

"Need a hand, chief?" he asked casually, hoping that he wouldn't inflame her anger more. Brenda looked at him, her dark eyes blazing, her blond hair a mess of curls. For a second Andy was expecting some painfully sharp retort, but then he saw Chief Johnson deflate, before she nodded in acquiescence.

"Yes, Lieutenant, I do. This stupid machine," she said, kicking it again for good measure, "won't give me my candy. See, right there, it's stuck." Andy looked at the brightly colored wrapper of Reese's cups and saw that it had somehow gotten itself wedged between the glass and the shelf it had fallen off of. Andy merely raised his fist and thumped the machine twice on the side. With a satisfying crinkle, the chocolate fell down.

"There you go," he said with a smile, hoping to ease her rather murderous mood somewhat. He had seen the Chief in all sorts of agitated states. He had been the cause of it plenty of times, but very rarely had he seen her like this. Chief Johnson grabbed her Reese's cups and studied the wrapper for a second, as if she couldn't believe she was actually holding her treasured peanut butter coated with chocolate.

"Thank you," Chief Johnson grumbled and gratefully tore into the packet with her teeth. Andy managed to hide a grimace. Her sweet tooth had been anything but a secret from the moment she arrived and yet the thought of all the sugar the woman managed to consume, it still made his stomach turn and his teeth ache. But as long as it reduced the blonde's stress levels, he wasn't one to complain.

"Bad day?" Andy inquired almost casually, knowing full well what had caused the Chief's foul mood and her increased need for candy and chocolate, but she seemed to have a need to vent. Andy would happily suffer the Chief's rants if it meant that she would be less stressed for the rest of the day. Brenda chewed and then swallowed her candy and raised her eyebrows.

"Bad day?! That - - that woman has been hounding me for three days. I can't turn around or she's there with her perfect hair and those suits and her little rulebook. If she keeps that up, y'all will have to investigate another murder." Andy couldn't help the small smile that appeared on his lips. The thought of the Chief trying to murder Captain Raydor was a bit amusing. The blonde was a lot tougher than she looked, but then so was Raydor. That would be an interesting confrontation.

"I hear you, Chief," Andy commented dryly. He had been there so many times before. Every time he had to drag his sorry ass down to FID and had to sit across from a calm and collected Sharon Raydor, not a hair out of place and not the least bit impressed by his temper, he had had the sudden urge to do something reckless, something that would either land him in jail, or sensitivity training or without a job.

"Of course you do. But oh that woman! She just gets under my skin. Sometimes I imagine her - -."

"Dead?" Andy supplied before the Chief could finish her sentence, knowing that the thought had crossed his mind a few times back in day, back when sobriety felt a constant war, one that he was losing at that, before his fantasies had turned a bit less violent and bloody and turned into something that would have been entertaining if it weren't for the fact that the Wicked Witch had the starring role. Chief Johnson's mouth fell open in surprise.

"No! Yes. Well, sometimes. But that wasn't what I meant," the Chief said, apparently searching for words as she dug into the second Reese's cup, a slight bush coloring her cheeks. She seemed to be wanting to say something, but it was as if she were holding back, afraid to say what was on her mind. Andy leaned against the vending machine, watching the blonde eat her candy, before he decided to see if he could get her to say what was on her mind.

"Chief?" he asked slowly. The Chief looked up at him, her dark eyes slightly wide. Andy simply raised an inquiring eyebrow. He was always interested in any and all thoughts about Captain Sharon Raydor, especially coming from the woman who had self-declared herself to be the Captain arch nemesis. The Chief always had a way of making something sound very colorful without actually using any curse words and somehow with that southern accent it still sounded just as nasty.

Chief Johnson bit her bottom lip and fingered the empty Reese's cup package before she tucked a blonde curl behind her ear, playing with the ends of the lock as she looked everywhere but Andy's face, checking if anybody was coming around the corner. Everyone gossiped at the water cooler, or vending machine in this case, but gossiping about someone from IA was always dangerous. Everybody despised the lot of them and yet it seemed as if that department had eyes and ears everywhere.

"Have you ever hated someone so much that you didn't know if you wanted to murder them or…" the Chief trailed off, still unsure whether or not she should speak her thoughts out loud, but Andy recognized the look in her eyes. Praying he wasn't ruining the rather good working relationship he had with the Chief he completed her question for her.

"…fuck them? Yes, I have." For a second the Chief looked both shocked and as if she were about to berate him for using that kind of language and for having inappropriate thoughts about a senior officer, but then she turned scarlet. Andy grinned. On the one hand he couldn't believe that the Chief had joined the ranks of every red-blooded male in the building where it concerned the Wicked Witch, but on the other it made perfect sense. He had seen the way they argued, the way they attempted to stare each other down. The energy always sparked.

"Really?" she asked quietly, looking up at him, glancing down the hallway again to ensure that no one was there as she half-covered her face in case anyone did turn up, not that it would matter. Anyone would recognize that floral skirt and those kitten heels, not to mention the bag.

"Yeah, sure. The woman is a bitch, but that doesn't stop me from seeing she's hot. A lot of officers in this building have thought about bending the Captain over her well-organized desk. I know I certainly have." Hell, he thought about it every time Raydor wore a skirt, every times she looked over the rim of her glasses at him, giving him that lethal look that had left lesser men trembling in their shoes. There was just something incredibly sexual about Raydor, even if she probably wasn't trying to exude that.

"I always thought more of pushing her up against a wall, but that is a good idea as well." The Chief gave him a cheeky grin and left Andy at a loss for words. He hadn't been joking, but he hadn't expected that she would go along with it. He hadn't expected her to reveal one of her own fantasies to him. It was surprising, but not displeasing, absolutely not.

But now instead of picturing himself with the Wicked Witch, he saw a completely different image, one that was definitely even more inappropriate. The two of them together would be explosive, dangerous and an enormous turn-on; a flurry of blonde curls and straight dark hair, painted lips clashing, hands slipping underneath expensive fabrics, tearing at buttons. It was better than any of his cheap porn movies. For one thing these women were far more attractive and the fact that there was an actual hatred simmering between them, it would be too hot.

"Happy to be of service, Chief," he replied, his throat dry, his tie suddenly oddly constricting, but the Chief seemed completely unaware of the effect her words had had on Andy. Instead she was staring hungrily at the Reese's cups still in the vending machine. Andy desperately tried to shake the mental image of his boss and the woman who had made his life miserable so many times already naked and sweaty on the Chief's desk in a display of smooth, pale skin, fingers buried inside one another.

"It's good to know that I'm not the only one. The first time I met her I didn't know if I wanted to pistol-whip her or kiss her to shut her up. She's just so infuriating," the Chief said, digging in her purse again, looking for a dollar to buy more chocolate with. Andy tried to imagine the Chief shutting the Wicked Witch up with a kiss. It would definitely be more successful than anything else that had been tried so far.

"She really is," he muttered, wondering how he would he was going to endure the next time the Chief and the Captain went head to head with the image of them making out playing in his mind. It was going to be torture; hellish, delicious torture. It would be even better that Raydor would have absolutely no idea why he suddenly found her arguments with the Chief so damn amusing all of a sudden.

"Okay, let's get back before she comes looking for us and berates us for wasting precious police time gossiping," Chief Johnson said, stuffing a freshly bought packet of Reese's cups in her bag, before slinging the huge thing over her shoulder and looking at him expectantly as if she had never disclosed what she had thought about doing to Sharon Raydor, as if she had never told him that she had fantasized about pushing the Captain up against the wall and fucking her.

"After you, Chief." The Chief gave him a wide smile before she sauntered off back towards the murder room. Andy didn't know exactly what had just happened, but, as he followed the blonde, something between the two of them had changed and he was definitely pleased with it.


End file.
